Exposed!! Inside Muhoozi’s Leaked Intelligence Briefing And What Ugandans Should Expect

Lt Mind-blown recently briefed the CDF. Mind-blown, as his name suggests, was mindless when briefing the CDF. Indeed, his parents were also mind-free when passing down their family name, Mind-blown, to their son. He was now the perfect example of sheer emptiness becoming a person.

The CDF likes his reports, we are told. They are atwitter with so many wild allegations. A far-cry from the intelligence reports written about in the book, JFK: Ordeal in Africa. “Bro”, as the children like to say today, that book could even shake the current and orange-crested leader of the so-called Free World. The book’s author, Richard Mahoney, lays down the CIA briefings on Kwame Nkrumah and others.

The reports, surprise-surprise, told us what we already knew about Nkrumah as a leader of the non-aligned movement, his policies and rhetoric moving closer to the Soviet bloc by the early 1960s. The book highlights how Nkrumah’s, “pan-Africanist obsession,” and, “socialist model,” resulted in economic downturns, which, along with his “disdainful,” perceived subversion, weakened his standing with the US.

Nkrumah is portrayed as a passionate, yet sometimes, “naïve,” revolutionary, whose “total liberation of Africa” agenda was often viewed by the West as a “megalomaniacal,” threat. The intelligence brief on Patrice Lumumba in the same book portrays him as a radical nationalist and Pan-Africanist whose actions were often misread, driving a chaotic, short-lived premiership.

He’s identified as a charismatic, populist leader whose ability to speak multiple languages and passionate stance against colonialism propelled him to become the Congo’s first prime minister.

On the flip side, the CDF’s intelligence briefings do not read like literature. Well, they do when that literature is conspicuous by its absence. If you don’t believe, read Lt Mind-blown’s report on NUP: “We didn’t know that these people were working for some elements within the NRM.

That’s why I have called out NUP for being an NRM project. If NRM was honest, NUP should not be on the register of the Electoral Commission of political parties because they have a fake constitution; they had no delegates’ conference.

All those people who were elected on NUP ticket should become independents. But NRM is guarding NUP because they need NUP. They need a party like NUP, which is incompetent, which is inept and cannot challenge the NRM. So, NUP works for NRM, NRM works for NUP and I have evidence to prove it.” It’s a crazy country. One where Premiership football fans, on a church mouse’s booze budget, see their financial fortunes peter out. And must wonder at the irony of never seeing a cheque that’s not Petr Czech.

Anyway, the CDF was mind blown by Afande Mind-blown’s report, which seemed green with envy over NUP’s notoriety. But the CDF didn’t notice, as long as you’re around to call him Junior Mzee, he is happy. Availability is the best ability, he always says.

All would have been well, though, if the report stopped there. Instead, it went on: “The National Unity Party (NUP) has rejected any move to impeach President Marcos, with party leaders saying they see no constitutional or factual grounds to support such a complaint.

The relationship between President Ferdinand Marcos Jr and the legacy of the People Power Revolution is marked by a deepening political divide, impeachment challenges, and the upcoming 40th anniversary of the 1986 uprising.” “You mean to tell me, “The CDF asked Mind-blown, the hyphenated soldier, “NUP and People Power are no longer together? I knew we could capture the youth.”

At that very moment, Mzee who had dropped by the CDF’s office to give him a thumbs up, corrected the CDF: “I think you mean capture the youth vote, not capture the youth.”

“I’ve been droning on about that for years, but my drivers say: What we have, we must hold; unromantically,” replied the CDF, thereby friend-zoning all abductees. However, he confessed, their friendship would be of the frenemy variety.

“But who is this Marcos in your report, is he related to Makerere College School (MACOS)?” the CDF inquired. “No, he is NUP and he is also in government. NUP is government, as my report stated earlier,” Lt. Mind-blown replied. Indeed, Mzee saw, when it came to governance, Mind-blown was increasingly Green.