“I Will Eat M7’s Side Chic Nantaba” NUP MP Tebandeke Reveals, Kayunga Erupts

Charles Tebandeke, the Bbale County Member of Parliament, told supporters in Kayonza Sub-county that although he is a committed Catholic who typically opposes polygamy, he is willing to marry Kayunga District Woman MP Ida Erios Nantaba if it would help end ongoing political tensions in the district. He said elders should summon both of them to resolve her alleged conflicts with him and other leaders.

He cleared his throat dramatically, leaned closer to the microphone, and declared, “My people, even though I am a devoted member of the Holy Apostolic Church, and even though our catechism warns us against reckless marriage decisions, I am ready—if it is the only remaining solution—to marry Hon. Ida Nantaba even though I hear that she’s Museveni’s side chic.”

A gasp rolled through the crowd like a travelling storm.

Hon. Ida Nantaba, the flamboyant and sharp-tongued Woman MP for Kayunga, had become a political storm cloud all on her own. Rumour mills around her spun faster than the sugarcane crushers at the Kasuka factory, whispering tales of her influence, her political tantrums, her spiritual visions, and above all her uncanny ability to cause chaos wherever she set foot.

Tebandeke raised both hands as the murmuring swelled.
“Yes! I know what you are thinking,” he shouted. “I know she is surrounded by whispers—whispers of State House favour, whispers of mysterious connections, whispers of midnight phone calls from unnamed powerful people. But listen to me: I am ready to take her as my wife if that will bring peace to this district!”

The crowd—half amused, half electrified—cheered loudly.

“For months,” Tebandeke continued, “she has quarrelled with every young leader in Kayunga. She has accused me of conspiring with thieves to grab our forest reserve. She says I sold part of the land and used the money to buy campaign vehicles, campaign goats, and even campaign umbrellas. My friends, you know me—I don’t even have the money to buy a new tyre for my boda-boda!”

Laughter erupted.

Tebandeke, riding on the wave, pressed on.
“If her problem is loneliness, I will marry her! If her problem is feeling unappreciated, I will marry her! If her problem is simply that she has too much political fire in her bones, then let her bring it—we shall roast cassava with it!”

Elders seated under a mango tree nodded solemnly, though whether they agreed with him or were simply pretending to stay awake was unclear.

Tebandeke insisted that official investigations into the forest scandal had already exposed the real culprits—business cronies, corrupt civil servants, and dubious land agents. “The report was even sent to the President of the Republic!” he said triumphantly.

“But somehow Ida still claims I am the mastermind. Maybe she thinks exposing me will make her more attractive politically. I don’t know! That is why I want all of us—elders, voters, neighbours—to call her here under this very big tree so we can ask her what she truly wants.”

He accused National Resistance Movement (NRM) Mukono district chairperson Hajji Haruna Ssemakula of having a hand in grabbing forestry land.

Tebandeke insisted that the investigations were done and those who benefited from the fraud were profiled in the media and a copy of the investigation was sent to president Museveni.

However, it should be noted that Tebandeke lost his shadow ministerial job as a minister in charge of fisheries after his party leadership led by Robert Kyagulanyi Ssentamu (Bobi Wine) established that he had a hand in the grabbing of forestry land after Nantaba protested on the floor of parliament.

The development comes at a time when police is still investigating the violence that was witnessed in the ongoing political campaigns in Kayunga district especially in Nkokonjeru, Kitatya and Tweyagalire all in Kitimbwa sub county

The fights according to investigations was between Nantaba’s supporters and those of her main opponent Jacqualine Birungi who is a daughter to businessman and also Kayunga district NRM chairperson Moses Kariisa Karangwa.

According to security sources, Kayunga is on the list of areas that are always marred with election violence that is why their campaigns are highly monitored.